just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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