I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
