i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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