kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
