with your own penis?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
