girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize