I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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