last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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