I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
do nipples grow back?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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