That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
MIDGETS
????
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize