Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
