Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
