final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
