i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize