I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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