shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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