Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
