ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
