You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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