So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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