I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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