Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
