In the future we'll all be gay
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
