The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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