Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
