I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
