white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
