you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
