Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
