Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
