I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
