I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
