:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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