So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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