Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
