They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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