this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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