so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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