you mean i was at the winter classic?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
