She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
