I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
