I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
