Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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