i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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