I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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