so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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