Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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