sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Maybe he injected his testicle?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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