Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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