I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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