By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
