3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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