So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
