overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize