drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize