Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
