Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
