you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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