I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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