these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
