You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
