I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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