And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
