You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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