no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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