K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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