There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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