lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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