I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
