i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
