Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
