I can text with my tongue
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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