I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
