so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
