6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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