I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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