Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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