I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
