I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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