I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
