I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
