i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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