We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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