Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
