Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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