the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's always time for handjobs
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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