There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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