Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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