woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize