shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
