I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
